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Cohesive Columns During The Holidays Frighten Me, Here Are Hot Takes Instead

Imagine them being delivered fresh, bathing in the cherished glow from your grandmother’s oven.

KOJIMA LANDS ON FEET WITH SONY, IMMEDIATELY KILLS MY HOPES FOR A ZONE OF THE ENDERS REPRISE

zoneoftheenders

I mean, I suppose Konami still owns the rights to Zone of the Enders, thus killing said hopes before they even got off the ground, but hey. Sweet mech screenshots, amirite?

Per ThisandThatTech, Kojima Productions has officially opened its doors (that logo, hnnnngh) and partnered with Sony on a new, unannounced IP. Are we excited? We are excited. YOU ARE EXCITED. BE EXCITE WITH ME

If, like me, you don’t understand Japanese (we are so weak), here’s the transcript for the above video, again per ThisandThatTech:

House: “Hello, everyone. I’m Andrew House from Sony Computer Entertainment. Today, I have news that I would like to share with you all. I wanted to tell you personally, so I have chosen to make a short video to talk to you directly. I have with me today the creator of a distinguished franchise that has contributed to the history of Playstation. He is one of the most creative talents in the history of games. Everyone, please welcome Hideo Kojima.”

Kojima: “Hello, everyone. I’m Hideo Kojima. I’m happy to let you know that I have established my own independent studio today. And I’m excited to tell you that the first title from this new studio is a collaboration with Playstation. I’m thrilled to embark on creating a new franchise with Playstation that will give you all a new and innovative gaming experience so please stay tuned.”

House: “This is very exciting. All game fans including myself are looking forward to it. Kojima-san, on behalf of Playstation and together with the fans, we’d like to offer our full support on your new journey.”

Kojima: “Thank you.”
EXCITE~

PSYCHONAUTS 2 SLOUCHES TOWARDS BETHLEHEM NEARS ITS FUNDING GOAL

timschafer

Turning and turning in the widening gyre,
the gamers cannot hear the pundits.
Things fall apart — the centre cannot hold.
Tim Schafer is loosed upon the world.
The crowdfunding campaigns are loosed, and everywhere
the ceremony of accountability is drowned.
The best lack all conviction, while the worst
are full of passionate intensity.

Surely some revelation is at hand;
surely Psychonauts 2 is at hand.

Psychonauts 2! Hardly are those words out
when a vast image out of The Gamer Awards
troubles my sight: somewhere in sands of Los Angeles,
a shape with peppery beard and the face of Jack Black’s older brother,
a gaze blank and pitiless as the sun,
is moving its slow thighs, while all about it
reel shadows from exquisitely timed stage lighting.
The trailer drops; again, but now I know
that twenty centuries of failed crowdfunding campaigns
were vexed to nightmare by a cult classic.
And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
slouches toward our wallets to be born?

(With apologies to William Butler Yeats.)

ERMAGERD SHTERM SERL

IZSH HERRRRRRRR

steamsale_dec2015

Let’s see if I actually buy something this time

Jesse Mackenzie is the Managing Editor for aybonline.com. He often writes while listening to the gentle hum of Star Trek engine cores. He can be reached at jessem@aybonline.com, and his opinions are his own.

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